One Month Countdown

One month from tomorrow is my "big day".  I have done a lot in the past month to get the room ready, but there remains so much to do, and I am beginning to feel the pressure of the looming deadline.

I am still ambivalent (though less so) about the surgery.  There have been days when it has been so painful, sometimes coming on suddenly, sometimes the grinding pain, sometimes the swollen feeling that radiates down to my ankle.  But other days it has been downright OK.  I need almost no Advil, I don't limp.  Those are the days that I think maybe I really don't need to do this yet.  Maybe I'm being overdramatic.  What was I thinking?  I know, though, that those days are just illusions - in fact, I usually figure that out before the day is over.

Standing is hard, and it makes me feel so old and useless.  I used to stand all day at work.  Yes, my legs got tired, and yes, my feet hurt, but I did it.  The standing issue is partly why it is taking me so long to get the bedroom done.  I just can't stand long enough to get much done.  I feel like I'm being lazy, but it's all I can do.

We have been discussing creating a platform outside the door from the kitchen to the garage to take the place of the step that is there now.  It would basically create a wider step going into the kitchen.  Like one that a walker could fit on.   The one that is there now is so narrow that I don't know if I could manage it, and the front door, with no handrail and one step that needs to be jacked back up, is out of the question.  I already have a grab bar at the back door, anyway, from when I broke my ankle.

I have a list of a dozen projects that need to be completed before The Day, and I need to be a bit more methodical about getting one thing done before starting another.  But I just feel so scattered, almost panicky.  But if I don't make better progress, the panic will be real.  The deadline is real.